yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
