Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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