Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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