They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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