Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
