just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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