I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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