If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
