loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
