We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
