the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
