none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we made out on top of his cat.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
