btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
