Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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