so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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