the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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