WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize