omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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