FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
a search helicopter?!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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