I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I enjoy the company of your penis
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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