there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your penis caused this!
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