woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
