just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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