You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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