Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
