Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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