I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
