I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
