yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
