i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize