All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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