so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
