just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
