the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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