and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
