God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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