college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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