no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
