once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
