did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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