I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
