I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
