Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
