I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
