yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
