she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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