If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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