I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
why do cheetos always look like penises
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is my gift to your gina
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
