I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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