I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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