is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
