my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
