What a fucking waste of an outfit
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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