I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
