Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
