States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
