I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
