I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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