Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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