i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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