i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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