I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
