i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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