Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
