I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
